Oh, Christmas is almost here. Fortunately I've felt considerably less melancholy these last two holiday seasons, but the overall feeling of this holiday still seems empty and foreign to me. It also doesn't help that almost all of the gifts I bought were on a credit card that already has way too much on it(way too much). Oh well, I suppose though. I need to make more money, I think. I'm not sure if it is normal to have this much money on credit at this point, but I'm hoping it isn't too much to deal with.

I am missing the whole Normal routine already a bit, I need a fat injection of rock n roll into my blood very soon or I think I'm going to go fucking crazy! And I need to work, defiantly need to do that.

Well holiday festivities soon... woo hoo............

OH... if you are in the mood for some rap.. check this shit.. new GUCCI ! BURR!

Gucci Mane: “The State Vs Radric Davis”

http://www.mediafire.com/?iy4mm5y01qn

Some tracks to check out.. Classical, Stupid Wild (ft. Lil Wayne), The Movie, Volume, Wasted, & Kush is My Cologne, as well as the Wasted remix (again with Weezy). There is also a ridiculous romantic song with Usher if you're feeling that...

& if you're feelin' the gucc.. hit me up for more... this album isn't the greatest as a whole, and there a quite a few songs far too ridiculous to listen to completely, but its got some definite gems.

PS. I do not approve of Blogger spellcheck claiming "kush" is not a word.

Rock and Roll Masquarades through My Mind and I Feel Like an S.S. Soldier.. please no.

AHH rolling stone is scary. Even when Bruce Springsteen is in it.

So is Tiger Woods.. and the media.

Wintrey break is here and now and it is going to be weird. So weird.

Maybe I'll be changing oil now.

ok here's something:

our friends turn out –

to wash the windows

of snowbeds under the shore

and we still can't care.

The monsters each day bringing

no skill

sit comfortley in the veranda

and make bribes to eachother

For hearts and such,

not even gold

but still casting that long shadow

on the green countryside

Relapsing on happinees

the cardoor fakes stuck

and we don't remember

how to speak to eachother.

Somethings broken down

and it wouldnt make sense

to look at it...

anyways.

Time honored traditions

like red and gold hats

and thick rims on Tennesse glasses

have only come to fade.

Writin on the wall.. gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci

Banjo rabbit destroyed my computer during the previously mentioned Tupac paper.

I have a new computer now, and maybe I'll keep up with this thing. Scott and I had a brief discussion of blogs once, and it made me realize that although I think my blog is really lame, it may not be. But probably.

I haven't been keeping up with anyone else's posts either, but now I will try my best!

Alright.. I don't know what to say.. goodbye.

I am writing a ten page paper on Tupac Shakur.

life ain't no garden, its a pile of rocks and ash

fuck this fucking house, 

the house has reached its peak(and it was so fucking minimal at best) 

and it needs to be over.

yea, taking it all for granted,

but fuck it

and i love people and friends

but this all has reached such a low

I feel like i'm just going crazy

is it my fault, or this goddamn house's ?

[edit..::.. anbbmo]

Hiding dirt under my fingers, 

girl,

a house is not a promise, or a trap

it is you, and it is your heart

and

the space you make can be fine

why we don't see the fires

but you

radiate; you breath again

Make shift mirrors, the dreams

sing,

make your mouth move some lies

forget the tunes and times

now true,

and again.

I skewered the snake with a mongoose-like pose, I felt so unreal in front of my friends.

So now, you're in the closet, and I'm on that hook-- a cattle production, nine divided by ten.

The grass in your wallet, the sand on your chest, a virgin-like memory.

I can't fade, or I can't be held.

Reactionary seeds, and words of stone and salt. Anchoring a ship away from its sails.

Living a mule, burning inside of the moss. Becoming a cousin to a foreign widow.

This is how we survive, this is the means we have to breath. 

We take turns in the oven, we make love to the mirrors. 

The society cranks and turns, and our eyes roll inside of our skulls.

People are bad, people are sad.

Its time for Banjo! I don't think the "thundy house" is a safe place for a little critter, but luckily we're only here for like another month.  

The Orkin man just came and sprayed our house for non-existent bugs, and it smells weird and I feel like I'm getting poisoned when I breath it in.  Maybe it's for the best.

I think that I am the lamest person I know.

No money to waste,

no money to save.

Charity case -- 

with each breath I take.

I feel so indentured

but not like a slave.

Get blue when I mention

these troubles of age.

I am feeling normal lately.  Its weird how I always miss home too, and great.

I did this once..

I used this blog about two years ago, and I will now revive it!

Being in the city this weekend was like therapy.

I let my head leak the anxieties and fears I've been suffering from into the streets, and I felt free and alone for the first time in about two years.  

I was surrounded by good friends and a new feeling of control.  I liked it.  I know if I let it evolve burdens and troubles will be lifted, or at least I hope.

For about three of four minutes of the first L ride, my mind caved in on itself and I had a feeling of being lost and wanting nothing more than a warm bed.  I felt like I was face down in a muddy puddle, with people walking by- wearing scowls and showing their contempt.  

The feeling faded quicker than I could imagine and the rest of the weekend was like stated previously.  It put my life(more specifically my time spent in Normal) in a less-than-dismal perspective.  

It is nice to have that sometimes.